Loving-kindness meditation: what it is, how to practice and why
Loving-kindness meditation isn't as cheesy as you think. It's an easy, science-backed technique that can boost compassion and wellbeing. Here's how to do it.
Working through the daily grind, we can easily forget the power of a little love and kindness—especially towards ourselves. Enter loving-kindness meditation, a practice inspired by Buddhist traditions that brings out our warmth and compassion and directs it both to ourselves and to those around us. This meditation style helps promote compassion and empathy and has received plenty of nods from modern science for its mental and physical benefits.
What is loving-kindness meditation?
Loving-kindness meditation, or LKM for short, is all about sending good vibes to yourself and the people around you. Think of it like a mental hug you give to yourself and then share with others.
It's as simple as repeating supportive phrases in your mind. Usually, you start with yourself and then expand to include your friends, family, and, eventually, everyone. While the idea comes from ancient Buddhist traditions (known as "metta bhavana”), it's caught on globally because it boosts your emotional and mental wellbeing.
Loving-kindness meditation is versatile and accessible
What makes loving-kindness meditation so appealing is its flexibility. While it does have roots in Buddhist practices, it's not confined to any particular religion or philosophy. It’s a secular practice that people of all age groups can undertake, regardless of their beliefs. Plus, you don't need a meditation cushion or a quiet mountaintop. You can do it anywhere—your bedroom, a park bench, or even while you're stuck in traffic.
Mindfulness and loving-kindness meditation
Though often treated as separate practices, loving-kindness meditation and mindfulness are intricately connected. While mindfulness helps ground you in the present moment, loving-kindness adds a layer of, well, love and kindness to it. It's about being present with a sense of compassion, for yourself and others.
The scientific benefits of loving-kindness meditation
The benefits of loving-kindness meditation are not just anecdotal—a growing body of scientific evidence testifies to its positive impact on psychological and physiological health. Below are some of the benefits backed by research.
Helps reduce self-criticism
One of the most common barriers to personal growth and happiness is self-criticism. Studies show that loving-kindness meditation helps in reducing self-critical thoughts and behaviors. By directing compassionate feelings towards oneself, individuals can create a mental environment where negative self-judgment is replaced by self-acceptance and kindness. This can gradually improve your self-esteem.
Enhanced wellbeing and life satisfaction
Multiple research studies have shown that practicing loving-kindness meditation correlates with increased positive emotions, ranging from joy and love to gratitude and contentment. These elevated emotional states, in turn, contribute to higher life satisfaction and a sense of wellbeing, which can be long-lasting when the practice is sustained over time.
💙 Looking for a guided practice to promote kindness and an open heart? Try our Saying Yes to Life meditation.
Better mental health and clarity
Mental health disorders like anxiety and depression often arise from negative emotions and thoughts. loving-kindness meditation helps to break this cycle and increase mental clarity by helping you to focus on moments of positivity.
It has been found to lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol, reduce symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and schizophrenia, and improve emotional regulation, leading to clearer thinking and better decision-making skills.
💙 Check out our Staying on Track series with Tamra Levitt.
Improved relationships
The practice of loving-kindness doesn’t only benefit you. It also has a positive ripple effect on your relationships. By cultivating a more compassionate, forgiving and less judgmental mindset, individuals find it easier to understand and accept others, thereby improving social connections and interactions.
Studies have shown that couples who engage in loving-kindness meditation experience increased relationship satisfaction and stronger emotional bonds.
💙 Explore Meaningful Practice for Meaningful Friendship, or our Dating Courageously series.
Physiological benefits
While the primary focus of loving-kindness meditation is emotional and psychological, it has also been shown to offer physiological benefits. This is no surprise since emotional wellbeing is often intrinsically linked to physical health.
Loving-kindness meditation has shown promise in the management of chronic pain. It's believed that the practice helps lower muscle tension and alters how the mind perceives pain, making it more manageable. These benefits have also been seen in the treatment of migraine with LKM.
💙 Try out the Daily Move with Mel Mah to add more mindful movement to your day.
Whether you’re dealing with stress, seeking emotional balance, or striving for a more harmonious life, loving-kindness meditation can be a highly effective tool in your self-care toolbox. If you're new to loving-kindness meditation or want to deepen your practice, consider using guided meditations. The Calm app offers various options tailored for different needs—whether you wish to enhance self-love, improve relationships, or cultivate general wellbeing.
How to practice loving-kindness meditation
1 | Get comfortable
First things first, find a comfy spot to sit or lie down. If you can, keep your back straight to make breathing easier. Take a few deep breaths to help you relax and get focused.
2 | Be kind to yourself
Loving-kindness meditation often starts with directing love and kindness towards oneself. After all, it's difficult to extend compassion to others if you can't first offer it to yourself.
Focusing on a quality or attribute you appreciate about yourself can help you prepare for the next step.
Start with phrases like: “May I be happy," "May I be healthy," or "May I live with ease." Repeat these affirmations in your mind or out loud. Don’t worry too much about which words you use. It's about wishing good things for yourself from the bottom of your heart.
3 | Expand your circle of compassion
Got that warm, fuzzy feeling? Great! Now you're ready to spread the love wider—to your family, friends, and that barista who always gets your coffee order wrong. Yep, even people you're not so fond of.
Use the same phrases you used for yourself but replace "I" with "you" — "May you be happy," "May you be healthy," "May you live with ease." Visualize these people and send them your love and kindness. The goal is to replace grudges or judgy thoughts with a big old dose of compassion.
4 | Include everyone (and everything)
This is the stage where, if you feel comfortable, you can try expanding your compassion to encompass all beings—animals, humans across the globe, and even the Earth itself. Imagine a light radiating from your heart and reaching out in all directions, filling the world with love and kindness.
5 | Make it a daily practice
Try to make loving-kindness meditation a part of your daily routine for best results. Even ten minutes a day can profoundly impact your mental and emotional wellbeing. Having said that, don't be discouraged if you don’t feel immediate changes. The effects often accumulate gradually.
💙 If you need some help try our guided loving-kindness meditation. There are practices with varying lengths from three minutes all the way up to 30 minutes.
Over time, you'll notice a heightened sense of compassion and connection, not just towards others but also towards yourself. This way, you can contribute to a culture of kindness and compassion.
Loving-kindness meditation is a practice that can be tailored to suit your individual needs, preferences, and experience level. While the core principles remain the same—cultivating love and compassion for oneself and others—how you engage with the practice can vary.
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