Here’s why belonging is so important for your mental health
What if you’re not needy? What if you’re just trying to belong? We explore the science behind belonging, and how important it is for your mental, physical and emotional health (hint: lack of belonging is a stronger indicator for depression than loneliness or lack of social support).
When you think about it, nearly every aspect of our lives is organized around belonging to something. Consider how many of these groups you proudly share your association with:
Family
Sports team
School
Friend group
Business team
Political group
Religion/spiritual group
Fan club
City, country, nationality
It’s likely you find yourself belonging to several, or even all, of these groups. It feels good to be a part of a larger whole, built around shared values, beliefs, and goals. And it’s not just you.
Belonging is fundamental to humankind. The pursuit of it is the driving force behind our desire to be a part of groups, and its presence (or absence) has a direct impact on our mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.
Feeling like you belong is more than just a social connection
Belonging grows from a feeling of connectedness with others, and the sense that you are a part of something. That could be with an individual, a group, or a larger community. But, a social connection doesn’t necessarily equate to belonging.
More than just an acquaintance between people or a group, belonging is all about being seen, accepted, and supported by others and doing the same for them. It’s built gradually over time with people that are supportive of us as full, authentic human beings.
Belonging helps us survive
The need to belong is seen as basic to our survival as food and shelter, because it helped keep us alive in the past. When faced with enemies (of the human or animal variety) or struggling to meet the other basic needs, those belonging to a group had a higher survival rate. Groups protect and support each other, making it more likely to raise offspring and pass on their genes.
So, we literally inherit our desire to belong; it’s hardwired in our brain. Studies have shown that we crave connection in the same region of the brain that we crave food, and we experience social exclusion in the same part of the brain that we experience physical pain.
Related: The Secret to Longterm Happiness
Belonging is also shown to be a key support for physical health, while the lack of it is linked to ill effects on health and wellbeing. It helps us to manage stress and feel more resilient, which ultimately allows us to cope more effectively during challenging times.
It’s easy to see how a sense of belonging becomes a crucial component of our mental health. Research shows that the stronger our sense of belonging, the stronger our well-being. While the lack of belonging contributes to anxiety and depression.
In fact, lack of belonging is a stronger indicator for depression than loneliness or lack of social support.
How to boost your sense of belonging
Given all of the benefits outlined above, it’s important to actively seek, and cultivate, the sense of belonging in your life. While we can’t control other people, there are some areas we can control to increase your feelings of connectedness.
Here are 5 tips to help you boost your belonging:
1. Make an effort
Your effort is one of the main ingredients to building a sense of belonging in your life. Your effort might look like:
Joining a personal or professional group with shared values or goals
Signing up for a class or training that interests you
Saying yes to an invitation from someone you’d like to get to know (even if you’re uncomfortable)
Organizing meetups or time to get together with old and new friends
It can feel vulnerable, and exhausting at times, to put yourself out there (and then continue to show up), but this is the foundation of all belonging.
🔹 If you get social anxiety, try this meditation to build your confidence before an event
2. Be authentic
You have to be you to belong. If others aren’t seeing the real you, they can’t accept and support you, leaving no room for true connection to grow. For many of us, being authentic is a challenge. Whether we face outside pressure to be different, or just haven’t had the time (or tools) to get to know who we really are, it can feel daunting. Mindfulness is a simple tool to start to quiet the noise and connect to who you really are.
🔹 New to meditation (or need a refresher)? Try the 7 Days of Calm series
3. Mindfully connect
Be curious about, and attentive to, others. Connection is an integral part of the belonging process so make an effort to engage in conversation. Ask questions, really listen to the responses, and share your thoughts and experience when appropriate. Steer clear of trying to “fix” or “instruct” others, instead focusing on being present and holding space for those you’re with.
🔹 Try these meditations on Holding Space and Listening to boost your mindful connection skills
4. Practice acceptance
Focus on the similarities rather than differences of those around you. Others may have different beliefs or ways of doing things, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still share a deep connection with them.
So practice acceptance for others, and choose to see all the ways you are alike, including similar goals or beliefs that you share. You can also practice that same acceptance with yourself. Focusing on all the places you already feel you belong, rather than focusing on areas you don’t, is a great way to boost our belonging, and invite more in.
🔹 Learn more about Acceptance and Belonging with Jay Shetty
5. Be patient
It can take time to gain acceptance, attention, and support from others. So be patient and try to enjoy the process. Easier said than done, but remember that letting relationships build slowly will create a solid foundation.
🔹 If patience isn’t your strong suit, practice with this meditation
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